Handling Defensiveness with Confirmatory Paraphrases
During the discussion phase of the Positive Student Confrontation you will:
- Paraphrase each defense.
- Use transitions and re-confront.
Defensiveness is a natural reaction to the Confrontation Message, and for many teachers, dealing with defensiveness is the most difficult part of the confrontation process. Be prepared for defensiveness and don’t take it personally.
Reflect back the defensive response with a Confirmatory Paraphrase. Students are unlikely to change their behavior while they are feeling defensive. Reflective listening is the best antidote for defensiveness. Sometimes reflective listening will also give you new data that may change your view of the situation.
A Confirmatory Paraphrase is your interpretation of what the student has said. You use it to check for understanding by repeating back to the student in your own words what you believe the student has just said to you. Use a Confirmatory Paraphrase for every defensive statement the student makes. You may have to use several.
Examples:
Student response: “I wasn’t the only one. There were others who did it too.”
Possible Confirmatory Paraphrases:
- “You think I’m singling you out.”
- “You feel persecuted.”
- “You think I’m being unfair.”
- “It seems to you that you’re the only one I do this to.”
Student response: “You’re making such a big deal out of this.”
Possible Confirmatory Paraphrases:
- “You think I’ve made a mountain out of a molehill.”
- “You feel I’m blowing this out of proportion.”
- “You think I’m overreacting.”
Student response: “He started it. He gave me that look.”
Possible Confirmatory Paraphrases:
- “You’re not totally responsible.”
- “Someone else started it.”
- “There was an interpersonal reaction involved.”
- “He is responsible.”
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